Vegas

jonz of desperation

got a jonz in my bone for somethin' i've never known drippin wet & hard as stone cuz I want you to make me scream and moan

and by "you" i mean ANYBODY cuz this here's a willing body dip it low baby move yo body-body make me say "ooohhh" baby when you touch my body-body

watchin' porn til the break of dawn chattin with strangers tryin to get it on pants tight squirmin in my seat c'mon! lay back bust a nut & off to sleep as i yawn

fuck patience this is desperation i'm tired of all the anticipation and meaningless, un-fulfilling masturbation light's green gate's open so drive into my virgin station

like ASA NOW cuz i'm wanting it bad is it possible to crave so much something you've never had but hear stories and watch encounters of the fornicating and glad yet roll over to see no one and in turn become sad

if i stay this dry much longer i'll fucking start a fire wanna go for a ride until my soul begins to tire liftin & droppin it like it's hot while our entangled bodies perspire lost in ecstasy making love as our hearts and minds conspire

i'm at my wits end my thoughts filled with saturation of when i'll finally experience a night of copulation leaving me satisfied & exhausted yet filled with elation but until that fateful night i'm stuck with this jonz of desperation.

a childhood re-introduced

a picture says a thousand words
this one says i was young once
a baby
an infant
a newborn
a child

fresh from the womb
far from the tomb
this little boy whom
we've come to know as Will
or Nyerere if you're family

memories i never knew i had
songs i never knew i sang
movies i never knew i made
a life i always knew was fun

i was a baby once
the proof is here in my lap
and after 25 years of living
my first glance at my baby pictures close the gap

how i got to this man from that newborn
holding back tears, i finally understood
these pictures show a bouncing baby boy
these pictures show my happy childhood.

daydreaming

purposed as a quick means of escape
used as a permanent escape from reality
most of my time spent in another world
daydreaming

realities get too complicated
and can often be unsatisfying
too often

there are no questions in daydreaming that go unanswered
the hero always slays the dragon

CONTROL

gears shifted, paths traveled
by a thought send in one direction as opposed to another
does he find purpose?
does he get the boy?
in reality no one knows
and since my reality is offers no answers
with my daydreams i cure my woes

...but i'm tired of getting through life in dreams

home

my friend jeff wrote this for me today...

homeward bound
moving in circles
work
tools
trips
muscles aching
the week weighing on my mind & spirit
the subway
blissful
peaceful
packed with people
fights
disgruntled souls.
you are peacefull
you are homeward bound

loner

it's midnight on a saturday, well sunday now
and while the rest of NYC is on their way out
i'm on my way to bed

from the window of my second floor apartment
i stand in my pajamas
and watch
as my neighbors and their friends
leave the comforts of home for the night
only to return early in the morning
exhausted
yet satisfied

i should go out
i would go out
if only i really knew what going out was,
what it meant and how to go about doing it
and also
if there were others- friends
with which i could say my time was spent

but here i stand
looking out at a world
that is passing me by
and swallowing me whole

different people passing- coming and going
but only one thought set in stone
i wish i was going out tonight
and i wish i wasn't alone

internal struggle

a mind is a terrible thing to waste
but i wish mine would leave me alone for a while
because it is causing an
internal struggle
between itself and my heart

all you gotta do is say yes
don't deny what you feel...
the game is mind over matter
and my mind don't feel like playin'
'cuz it does not like to lose
and yet, it has never really won

so i am left always
watching
needing
wanting
but never fulfilling or fueling
the dreams of the stone cold furnace lying within my soul
longing to be ingited

i need internal peace and quiet
unforced and unfabricated
thoughts
to run free in my brain
those are the ones that will calm the storm
and end the struggle

my heart is trying to win-
it's up against a longtime companion and foe...
it's mind over matter

exhausted

legs and arms- immobile
body- aching
mind- frazzled and confused
Will- exhausted

my body is not used to this
but it still tries
and tries hard
to get to where it wants to be
and how it wants and needs to move

a dream deferred may end up
shriveled like a raisin in the sun
but a dream on the road to fulfillment
is leaving me tired, afraid, optimistic & concerned
as i am traveling down this road alone

like a dark victory
my life is an oxymoron
the glass is both half empty
and half full

but i still truly believe it'll happen
i'm just venting out of frustration
no rest for the weary
and no success for the well rested
so with baby steps & wavering determination
i forge ahead
exhausted